What Is Care•sistency? A Kinder Approach to Self-Care for Women Over 40

I’m trying.

I’m trying to fight the perimenopause weight that seems to show up differently than weight ever did before. I’m trying to be a good mom, a loving wife, a supportive daughter and the kind of friend who actually shows up. I’m trying to figure out how to make my back hurt less more than 35 years after having seven vertebrae fused. I’ve been through a double mastectomy and two reconstruction surgeries, and I’m trying to be grateful for where I am while also admitting that sometimes I look in the mirror and think, I might need one more revision.

And then there are ALL THE THINGS we’re apparently supposed to be doing.

Care•sistency. Because I belong on the list, too.

Am I eating enough protein? Getting enough fiber? Lifting heavy enough? Walking enough? Taking the right vitamins? Drinking enough water? Sleeping enough? Managing stress? And while we’re at it, which facial cream am I supposed to be using for fine lines? Also, are my fine lines officially wrinkles now? Did I miss the window? Is it too late?

Every time I open social media, someone is telling me one more thing I need to start doing, stop doing, eat, take, track or buy if I want to live a long, healthy, happy, stress-free, pain-free life. There is so much information about women’s health after 40, healthy aging, exercise, nutrition, hormones, supplements and skincare that even trying to take better care of yourself can start to feel overwhelming.

And I want to be healthier. Of course I do. I want to feel stronger. I want to hurt less and have more energy. But I also want to be a present mom. I want to have time with my husband. I want to be there for my family and friends. I want to be an exceptional leader for an incredible charity I’m deeply passionate about. I want to take care of the people I love, and somewhere in there, I’m supposed to be taking care of myself too.

The problem was that instead of seeing everything I was doing, I kept seeing everything I wasn’t doing. I kept seeing failure.

I would decide I was going to get back on track. This time I was going to be consistent. I’d exercise, eat better and start all those healthy habits again. Then life would happen. I’d miss a workout, eat something I hadn’t planned to eat, stay up too late, go on vacation or simply have a day when there weren’t enough hours. Before I knew it, I was telling myself I had fallen off track and needed to start over.

Then I went on vacation this summer, and somewhere in the middle of it I thought, enough.

I don’t want to spend this part of my life constantly feeling like I’m failing at taking care of myself. And I definitely don’t want self-care for women over 40 to become another impossible list of things we’re supposed to get right.

I want to actually take care of myself.

Not by doing all the things. Not by trying to do them perfectly. And definitely not by starting over every Monday. I want to learn to care for myself the way I care for the people I love, with patience, kindness and a little grace when things don’t go according to plan.

And that’s where Care•sistency came from.

Care•sistency is about asking myself one simple question: What would taking care of me look like today? Some days that might mean a great workout and a nourishing dinner. Some days it might mean taking a walk, eating more protein, making the doctor’s appointment I’ve been putting off or asking another question when something about my health doesn’t feel right. Some days it might mean calling a friend, wearing something that makes me feel good in the body I have today or simply realizing I’m exhausted and going to bed.

Because there have been plenty of days when the day simply ran out. I took care of work. I took care of my family. I took care of the dogs. I took care of whatever needed me most, and I forgot to leave anything for myself.

I’m trying to change that.

I’m still figuring this out, and that’s really why I wanted to create Care•sistency. Taking care of yourself in midlife (who even likes that word!) can feel surprisingly complicated, and I have a feeling there are a lot of us trying to get healthier, feel stronger, hurt less, have more energy and build better habits while also keeping up with everyone and everything else in our lives.

I want Care•sistency to be a different kind of approach to health and wellness. A place where we can share what we’re trying, what we’re learning, what’s working and what absolutely isn’t. A place to remind each other that we’re not the only ones who struggle to do all the things we’re told we should be doing.

Maybe we can get a little healthier and a little stronger along the way, but without all the guilt, pressure and feeling that we’re somehow failing when we don’t get it right. This isn’t about promising that we’ll transform our lives or finally discover the perfect wellness routine. It’s about finding realistic ways to care for ourselves in the lives we’re actually living.

We don’t need to do everything. We don’t need to do it perfectly. We just need to keep finding ways to care for ourselves and remind each other that we belong on the list, too.

I’m trying. If you are too, come join me. We can figure some of this out together.

Join the conversation

Hop over to ​Facebook ​or ​Instagram​ and tell us:

What are you trying to do to take better care of yourself right now?

Maybe it’s something big. Maybe it’s something small. And if you’re trying to figure this out too, follow Care•sistency. We can remind each other that taking care of ourselves counts, even when we don’t do it perfectly.

And if you’re looking for a little less perfection and a little more care, sign up for updates below. 🤍